The Waiting

I am in a place of waiting on several things lately. I did my graduate school applications and I am waiting for my former professors to send their letters and the schools to decide if they want me. I am waiting for Christmas, I know what one of my presents is already, and I am really excited about getting it. I am waiting for people to buy my scarves on Etsy, and I am waiting to figure out what's next.

Seeing as it's Advent, it is an appropriate time of year to be waiting, but that doesn't make it any easier. Prior to last Sunday, in the middle of the Lord's Prayer at Mass, the priest would say, "protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ." Now it's something about awaiting the blessed hope, I could look it up, but I am not going to. That quote is what Advent is all about, waiting for Jesus's promised return. I like Advent, but it is hard to get into the spirit of Advent, waiting for the Lord to come, when you have been practicing Christmas music since August. 

But all these things I am waiting on propel me into the Advent spirit.  So I am trying not to be anxious, which is hard for me, and be joyful as I wait to hear what is happening with grad school.

In other news, I have lost 16 pounds in the 2 months I have been on my diet. :)  And that includes pigging out on Pull-a-part on Thanksgiving, 2 desserts and 3 beers on Friday, and totally eating everything in sight last night.  Go me! 

And now for your listening pleasure, "The Waiting" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers because really, "the waiting is the hardest part."

Complicated . . .

That just about sums up my existence right now.

Everything is complicated.  There are some really good things, like I finished my Grad School Apps, just waiting for my recommendation letters to come in and they'll be complete.  Probably won't know anything until March though. So I wait, I wait, and I wait, something I am not good at.  And the diet is going well, 14.6 pounds lost in about 7 weeks which puts me averaging 1.8 pounds a week, healthy and steady.

On the other hand, my job is totally leaving me unfulfilled, and there really isn't anything new for me to learn or do here, so I just feel stuck in a rut.  August can't get here soon enough (again with the waiting).  And someone I care about really deeply hurt my feelings a lot, and refuses to apologize.  Which to me means they must have meant what they said, and I am not OK with someone in that relationship feeling that way about me.  Why else would you not apologize for a very hurtful thing you said?  Ugh and the most frustratingly complicated part of the whole thing is the one person I really want to talk to about this is the person who I am not talking to because of this!

I am so stressed out its unbelievable.  I am surrounded by craziness everyday at work, not to mention, not stimulated at work, there is nothing going on here.  My finances are all in disarray and I barely have anything left after paying my bills.  And now this other thing.  I haven't slept well in weeks, and I have been feeling really icky for the past week.  Something's got to give.  

One Month

Well it's been one month, and I've lost  8.4 pounds, just about 2 pounds per week, average.  Good healthy weight loss, I need to keep reminding myself of that.  Usually, I start something, and want to see instant results.  I like to see the fruits of my efforts.  So in my head I am thinking, OK, I've started this program, why am I not 70 pounds lighter.  It's all just to help me grow in patience.

Two Weeks . . .

And I am down almost 7.5 pounds.  I may just make that Christmas goal after all.  :)  Really it's closer to 5 pounds because I weighed myself Tuesday before last (when I started this) late at night after drinking a lot of water, but ~5 pounds in a week and a half is pretty good, and it wasn't hard.  I haven't felt deprived yet.

So if I plan to lose my 10% by Christmas, I have 10 weeks to drop another 17 pounds.  I really think that's doable, and only about 2 pounds a week. I have a dress I'd like to wear for Christmas Eve Mass, it hasn't fit in sometime, but it is one of the only items of clothing I kept even though it was too small.

One Week . . .

. . . and so far, so good.  I started Weight Watchers again last Monday.  I was on WW before my wedding in '08, and I lost like 21 pounds, and since November of 2008, I have gained 30+ pounds, due in part to stress and a lot to laziness.

For a while, I have known I needed to do something about my weight, really since for ever.  I've almost always been on the heavy side.  Dancing almost everyday in HS helped me slim down some, and not having an over abundance of food to snack on my first year of college at SFA helped tremendously, that's when I got down to my smallest, a size 10!   I know that size still sounds big, especially if you have seen The Devil Wears Prada, where they called the girl who wore a 6 fat, but on me that was actually very thin.  I gained some of that weight and then lost it again around 2002, I was a size 12 then, I was thin, and looked really good.  That's my goal, to get back to that size.  I am not doing this diet life-style change just to be thin again, but because I want to be healthier, and right now I am not comfortable in my body.  I am not comfortable sitting down, and I am not comfortable standing up, my lower back has been giving me a bunch of trouble, and when I was working out, doing yoga, for some of the poses, my stomach totally got in the way. 

So I am doing WW because I was successful with it before, and my mom offered to pay for it.  I really like WW, it really is more about a life-style change and less about a diet.  With the points system, you can eat whatever you want as long as you stay within you allotted points, or work out a lot to get some more.  But with it allowing you to eat whatever you want you have to be conscientious about what you eat.  If you choose to splurge on a big meal, you may have to eat salad and fruit the rest of the day, or stick really close to your points for a couple of days to make it up.  I started this diet on Monday, and Friday I went to a wedding and Saturday I went to Greek Fest, and both places I ate what I wanted to eat and didn't go over my weekly extra points allowance.  I mean really, I got to eat wedding cake and baklava on my diet.  That's unreal.

I am posting this for some added accountability.  I really want to lose 70 pounds, and to do that I need some encouragement, and for some one to say, "Susan, put down the cupcake!"  Seriously, cupcakes are my crack!  My first goal with WW is to loose 10% of my weight, so right now I am focused on losing  a little over 24 pounds.  I really hope to do this by Christmas.  So if you can, please offer your support and encouragement.

Two Years

I was thinking this morning, what a difference 2 years makes.  If anyone had told me 2 years ago, that my life would be anything like it is right now, I would have thought they were smoking crack.  


2 years ago I was teaching and having a rough time with that.  I was married to a man who really cared nothing about me and wanted to spend no time with me, and all and all I was relatively miserable even though I tried to convince myself I was happy.  I thought for sure if I tried to be optimistic enough it would all work out and I would actually be happy.


3 weeks will be 2 years from leaving my teaching job, which lifted a lot of stress from me, and in a month is 2 years from when J left.  And I can honestly say I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, and have been for about the past 4 months.  Not to say that life is perfect, but it's pretty good.  I am living on my own and supporting myself for the first time ever, I have a tentative plan for my life (I need to start working on the grad school stuff again so I'll be ready to apply), and I finally feel like I am on the right track.  

Day 30 - Ave Verum Corpus

Day 30- Your favorite song.

Mozart's Ave Verum Corpus is my absolute favorite song.  I have other more temporary favorites, but this has been my favorite for like 11 years now.  So beautiful.  The Ave Verum Corpus, during the middle ages was sung or recited during the Consecration of the Eucharist.  This is Mozart's arrangement of the hymn.

This is why I don't eat Calamari . . .

Fair warning, this is rather graphic.

Day 29 - Lessons Learned

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned


In the past month, I've learned to start opening myself up to the possibilities out there, especially opening myself up to people emotionally.  A willingness to let someone new in, it's going to be a journey, but at least I have started it.  I am also learning to be myself, and fuck what someone else thinks of it.  If I want to act silly I will.  

Day 28 - Who You Are

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Last year, at Poison Girl.

This year, at Howl at the Moon.

I've grown a lot since last year.  I am much more sure of who I am and what I want out of life.  I am also a lot less fragile.  I have a much better perspective on life, and I am not nearly as bitter or cynical as I was.  I am really loving who I am now, and all the possibilities life holds. :)

Day 27 - If You Want Me Too

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge


I am doing this 30 day challenge to feel like I accomplished something, you know set a goal and actually completed it.  Also, I need to get back in the habit of writing, if I am really going to do this grad school thing.  I am pretty out of practice.  


Plus, I want to try and build up my blog readership, I am up to 8 followers now, whoo hoo! I feel like a superstar, ok, not really, but it's 2 more than I have had for a long time, so hey, lets make it 10 by the end of the month, please.  

Day 26 - With a Little Help From My Friends

Day 26- What you think about your friends


Umm, I think they are all assholes, isn't that what everyone thinks of their friends?


Just kidding, I don't feel that way at all.  I love my friends.  I have an awesome support system and plenty of people who I know love me.  


Some of my friends I see a lot, and some I see really rarely, and most of those that I see rarely, can really be counted as my best friends. Cory and Amy come to mind in that category.  I have some new friends who have become good friends, and some old friends that are slipping to the wayside, but I guess that's just life.


I would do just about anything for one of my friends if they asked, and I hope they would do the same.  I know of 4 that would drop everything at the drop of a hat to be with me when I was in desperate need of company and cheer.  I know some awesome people.  I would do the same for them too.  :)


To quote Eddie Vedder: "I'm a lucky man to count on both hands The ones I love... Some folks just have one, Others they got none, aw huh..."


Well, I am not a man, but the point remains the same, and 2 of my best friends are my brother and sister, I know they've got my back. 

Day 25 - Not For You

Day 25- What I would find in your bag


My bag, like my purse?
-Cell phone
-Wallet
-An assortment of lipsticks and glosses,
-My iPod
-Camera
-Cough Drops
-Altoids

Day 24 - Meet the Parents

Day 24- A letter to your parents


Dear Mom and Dad,


Thanks for putting up with me for the past, almost, 30 years.


Love,
Susan

Day 23 - Sugar, We're Going Down

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot


Cupcakes, ok cake, ok, really sweets in general.


I love cupcakes though, perfect cake to frosting ratio.  :)


But I am trying to resist all the cravings for sweets.  Come on will power, do your stuff, or um show up.  

Day 22 - Original

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else


The base answer would be my DNA, but I am sure whoever's out there in the world reading this wants a more substantial answer. 


Really, I don't think I am that different from anyone else, and I always have trouble coming up with stuff to say about myself, so how about this, readers comment on this post and tell me how I'm different.

Day 21 - Happy Face

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

This guy right here makes me happy.  My kitty, Augie.  He's sort of a Momma's boy.  He really only likes me, and only moderately tolerates others, like my mom and brother.

I've loved him since he looked like this:

He was about 3 months old then.  This was not too long after I brought him home.  He'll be 5 in May.  Wow how time flies.

Day 20 - Marry You?

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future


This one is so simple and so complex at the same time.  I know who I don't want to marry.  But I can only describe who I want to marry generally.


I was talking with a friend one night about what I want in my next relationship and jokingly I said "I won't settle for anything less than pure and utter devotion."  A guy standing near by piped up with "Wow, that's hard to come by."  But why should I settle for less?  I deserve to be loved truly, madly, deeply (to quote Savage Garden).  That's how I intend to love my future spouse.


I will say this, I want butterflies.  I want to see him and light up, heart racing, sweaty palms, the works.  I can think of only 2 people that currently inspire that feeling in me.  I have no idea how they feel in return, but I am not worried about that right now.


The person I marry needs to have beliefs that are fundamentally similar to mine, he has to have a sense of humor and be able to handle sarcasm, he needs to be romantic and cater to my whims, but he also needs to realize when I am throwing stuff out there to be told no, I don't want a doormat, but I do want frivolity.  Above all he needs to love God and himself. :)


Ultimately if you make me feel like this you win:



or this:

Day 19 - Say The Name

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them


Angel - my mom's friend Carmen calls me that because I had a shirt that says Angel on it.


Sus- that should be obvious, it's the first part of my name, my family calls me that, mostly my mom


Dear- a couple of gentlemen here and there refer to me as such


Susie Q- Lissa calls me that, pretty sure she's the only one I let do that since I hate being called Susie because Susie was my Gramma's dog when I was born.  "We named the dog Indiana."  Um yeah!


I don't really have a nickname.

Day 18 - Dreaming With My Eyes Open

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have


Plans-
-buy a bike and ride to work
-go get new contacts
-buy some boots


Dreams
-fall in love
-get married
-have a million babies
- get a PhD
-teach some college
-home school my kids
- be a stay at home mom
-inspire people or at least 1 person
-actually get a substantial following for my blog
-be famous for singing


Goals
-get my place organized
-reduce my possessions
-do grad school apps
-get into grad school
-finish grad school

Day 17 - Trading Places

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why


I really wouldn't want to switch lives with anyone. I like me, for the most parts, even with all the ups and downs my life has had in the past few years.  


The reason I wouldn't want to trade places with someone else is that uncertainty of what their life is really like.  I mean how often have I heard people tell me that I have all my stuff together, and blah blah blah, you really know what you're doing.  While I am actually sitting there, confused as shit not sure what my next move should be or what's really going on.  I am rather good at putting on a mask, and only a few people know me well enough to see through it, or rather only a few people seem to pay enough attention to know the difference.


This question reminds me of a story I once heard: A man was struggling with his cross and looking at others who did not seem to have the same struggles he asked God to allow him to have another cross to bear.  So God said OK and lead him to a room full of crosses and told him that he could pick any cross he wanted.  So the man walked into the door, leaned his cross against the wall near the door way and surveyed the crosses in the room.  Some were 20 ft tall, or made of very thick beams, etc.  It was then the man went and picked his cross back up, and carried it out for it was the smallest in the room.


Point is just because someone looks like they have their shit together, it doesn't mean they do, at least I know what my mess it, and I am not jumping into the realm of the unknown.


It's like a Monet, from a distance they look great, but up close, it's a hot mess.


I think that pretty much sums up everyone on this planet.  We may look OK on the outside, but really, we all have a mess in us.


(I edited this because it wasn't really done anyway, and it posted a day early.)

Day 16 - Free to be Me

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

This is me from 1/28/2011, all ready to go live it up at Howl at the Moon for Mat's birthday.  It was a good time.

Day 15 - Obvious Things

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play


"I Might Get Over You" by Kenny Chesney
"She's Got It All" by Kenny Chesney
"She Likes it in the Morning" by Clay Walker
"I Don't Know Anything" by Mad Season
"Do the Evolution" by Pearl Jam
"Wishlist" by Pearl Jam
"Love Remains the Same" by Gavin Rossdale
"Just to See You Smile" by Tim McGraw
"Dyslexic Heart" by Paul Westerberg
"Jeremy" by Pearl Jam


I feel like this is a bad sampling of my music.  Not very inclusive, so here are some more to make up for the repeated artists.


"Rhythm of Love" by Plain White T's
"Life Ain't Always Beautiful" by Gary Allen
"Johnny and June" by Heidi Newfield
"All the Small Things" by Blink 182
"Machinehead" by Bush
"Leave Atlanta" by Pilot Radio
"Another Saturday Night" by Cat Stevens
"Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat
"Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's
"Graduate" by Third Eye Blind


This second set is more like what I typically listen to, especially these past few weeks.  :)

Day 14 - We Are Family!

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Back row l to r: Michelle, Mom (Margie), me, Joshua, Dad (Tom), and Billy
Middle row: Gramma (Gerry), Taylor, and David
Front row: Elizabeth and Robert

I picked this one because the last few times my sister or dad has been in town some one has been absent, usually Taylor.  This picture also has 2 non-family members in it Joshua and Robert (although, Robert is my "Church" mom's grandson, so he's almost family). I like this picture because we are all dressed up, that rarely happens.  I see my mom weekly, David and Gramma sporadically, and the rest of them when they come down from Tennessee or we go up there.  So I haven't seen Taylor in over a year and a half.  When I do see her in May it will have been a full two years.  

Day 13 - Hurt

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently


Can I pass on this?  No? Okay. 


Dear Susan,


Your unwillingness to let go of the past is causing me to vulnerable and unstable in my pursuit of the future.  I understand we have been through a lot in the past 29+ years, and that is to be expected, especially given the events of the past 2 or 3, but hey most of the time we are doing better right?  I know what happened sucked, and that we had no say, and that it disrupted our core values, but it's time to for healing and moving on.  So please try to let go, and stop brining certain people to mind often.  I don't want to think about him.  I don't want to love him anymore.  I am not really asking for that much okay.  So please, act with urgency on this matter.  Our sanity depends on it.  I feel ready to  move on, and you should too.  It's time.


Love ya bunches,
Susan

Day 12 - It's My Blog

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one


I probably found out about blogger through someone else's blog.  I made one because I thought people might be interested in what I had to say, and then I quit writing on it so much.  Then I made a Live Journal that I wrote on a lot, but no one is really on LJ anymore, so I came back here, and decided I wanted a new blog instead of reviving the old one.  But still not so much on people reading it.

Day 11 - Friends in Low Places (or not)

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

This is me, as Hermionie, Angela as Mary Catherine Gallagher, Rebecca as Miss USA 1937, and Mike as I don't know what.  And of course, that is my ex who I am threatening, he was dressed up as Ron Weasley,

Day 10 - I Sing

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad


These change daily, but for today we'll go with the following . . . 




Happy: "That's How You Know" from Enchanted



Sad: "Broken" by LifeHouse





Bored: "Save Me San Francisco" by Train






Mad: "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam (well just about anything off of "Ten" or "Vs.")

Day 9 - I Did It! (hahaha)

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days



 I never feel like I have accomplished much or that I matter much, so things I am proud of, are few and far between.  


But, that being said,  I am rather proud that I have kept of this with challenge, and this past week I have taught myself how to use Publisher, not that it is that hard, but I figured it out on my own. 


Also, on Sunday I hit a low F#, you know, like a tenor note, 3 ledger lines below the treble staff.  It was just during warm up, and it wasn't particularly comfortable, but I had sound down there.  :)  I am a high soprano after all.  Even though I know someone who keeps trying to recruit me to the altos.


I made some yummy chicken the other day, I marinaded it in chili sauce, Worcestershire sauce, cilantro, half a Shiner Bock, and some garlic.  Super yummy.


I feel like I am reaching for stuff here, probably because like I said at the beginning, I never feel like I have done much or that what I have done matters.

Day 8 - Little Things

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why


Well since this month ends in a little over 6 hours, we'll set goals for February.


Hmmm, I hate setting goals (because I never manage to keep them).  So what's the point, oh yeah my blog challenge told me too.


So how 'bout these:

• take some artistic photos and post on etsy to sell
• learn the music I am supposed to 
• pet Augie everyday :)
• try not to let the dishes pile up in the sink so bad

Day 7 - The Day the Music Died

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you


I've thought a lot about this the past few hours, trying to decide if I wanted a positive or negative impact, and which person I should choose, and if I choose someone who is that going to offend.  That is a lot of pressure for a blog post.  So I am taking the easy way out and choosing something to write about.  If you know me, the object of my choice probably won't come as a surprise.  So without further ado, I give you the thing that has most impacted my life . . . . 

For those that don't get the picture, music.  I am pretty sure music has always been a part of my life. One of my earliest memories of music is from sometime during second grade.  For whatever reason, one night, I was allowed to sleep in the family room, and in the morning, I was woken up by someone, probably Dad, blasting "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen on the stereo.  What a way to wake up.

I remember music classes in elementary school, they were mostly singing, but in first grade I learned to play violin, but I didn't play the whole year.  I remember being kind of good.  I am not sure if I actually was or not.  Then I was in the school choir in fourth and fifth grade.  In sixth grade, I played the flute, I sucked, but mostly because I never practiced.  Then I just kind of experienced music for a while.  I didn't really play or make any most of the time.  

In high school, our church started their youth Mass, which eventually became Life Teen, so I joined that when I was a junior, and I have been singing at St Laurence ever since.  The one year I was at SFA, I spent my first semester as a music major, that was hard. I had no formal training, and I couldn't really sight read, so I was lost, plus it wasn't what I really wanted to do, so I quit, but my favorite class at SFA was choir.  The worst was the seminar part of our voice lessons, they called it Studio, so all of a particular voice teachers students belonged to his studio, and once a week we had to sing for them.  That wasn't the worst part, the worst part was what we called Big Studio, all the vocal majors in the large music hall, and the "final" for your voice lesson was that you had to sing at least once at Big Studio.  Doesn't seem like that should be a problem, but that was my most terrifying experience ever.  All of those people thought they themselves were the reason singing existed, that they were God's gift to music.  I am not sure I have ever felt so vulnerable or exposed, but I made it through and my voice teacher complimented me on how my singing surprised him.  He was a jerk and that was my first compliment from him ever at the end of the semester.  I am pretty sure he expected me to tank.

Anyway, I left SFA and started at UST, but I didn't join the choir because I really couldn't afford to spend that much money for the tuition to take the course.  So I just went back to the Life Teen Group at St Laurence, which I still sang with if I happened to be in town on Sunday night.  December of 2000, the "traditional" choir was going to do a concert of the Messiah, and Mary invited all the choirs to join if they wanted to.  I loved the Messiah, I'd learned it the previous year, and so I went to sing it with them.  I was the only one from another choir to go.  I loved it, and several people in that choir asked me a few times to come sing with them.  Which I did, in January 2001, so I have been in that group for 10 years.

I first realized how much music meant to me in 2006, when I was put on vocal rest for 3 months.  I got sick, and then I noticed for a few weeks after that my throat was irritated, and my voice wasn't right.  So I went to the doctor and he put me on 2 weeks voice rest and told me to come back.  It didn't help.  So I had to do more voice rest, and go to an ENT that specialized in the vocal chords.  He's one of the best there is for and has treated many famous singers.  So he did Microlaryngoscopy which means he stuck a camera down my throat and took a video of me singing and speaking.  Turned out I had prenodes on my vocal chords, which meant more voice rest.  He told me I couldn't sing for another month, and then we'd see what the next step would be.  

This was when I realized how much I loved music because I would go to Mass and sit in the congregation and not be allowed to sing with everyone.  I had to stop going to Life Teen Mass during that time, it was too hard not to sing, and even at the morning Mass I went to, it was hard not to sing.  I realized how big a part of my worship singing was and how deprived I felt without it.  I remember one Sunday after Mass, probably around Thanksgiving, I was talking (sort of, I was on voice rest) with Mary, and I started to cry because I didn't think I'd be OK to sing for Christmas. 

I am realizing more and more after this, just how much music means to me.  People say music is my life or music is life, but I don't think that adequately explains it.

I Waited . . . .

Ok, so this isn't the blog post for my 30 day challenge, I am still stuck on that one.  This is a blog post to embarrass myself.  I used to write a lot of poetry, most of it was depressing because I was dealing with some stuff, and that was my outlet.  Then when I was 20, I thought hey, I can write songs, so I wrote two: "The Harmony of Silence" and "I Waited."  Today I share with you the latter, which would be much better if I wasn't using the crappy webcam built into my laptop, and if I actually played something and the song had some accompaniment.  But we make do with what we have.  I recorded just the refrain and first verse, my throat is bothering me a little today, and besides, like I said, this is embarrassing.  So if you want to listen first press play, I am posting all the lyrics below . . . .

Just a heads up it's out of sync.

"I Waited" August 28, 2001

Refrain:

I waited and you're gone,

And I'm here all alone.

I want you in my life

I need you by my side, 

And I keep on wonderin' why I waited so long

Waited too long

I keep on wonderin' why I waited so long

I should have told you the moment I knew

My heart could not be without you

But my fear held me back

And I was scared you would laugh

Refrain

I kept my feelings deep inside

And tried to live my life

But ev'ry day I hoped you would come my way

I wanted to tell you just how I felt

Refrain

Now you hold her in your arms

and I'm here all alone

I am tryin' so hard to move on

But my heart won't let you go

Refrain

I hope one day you might see

Just how much you mean to me

But for now I'll have to wait

And try to live my life

Day 6 - Nanananananananana Batman!

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why


First of all, I have to crack up at the way Google spell-checker wanted to auto-correct Nanananananananana (Antananarivo, Nananne, Tananarive, and Satyanarayanan - I don't know what any of those words mean), craziness!


Anyway, on to todays challenge.  Admittedly, I know very little of Superheroes, if I did know stuff I might choose someone different.  But I am going with Batman, because I watched the 1989 version of Batman, with Michael Keaton, at least everyday for the better part of a year, when I was like maybe 10.  


Why do I like Batman?  Because Batman is just a regular dude, he doesn't really have "super" powers, he has awesome toys, but he is still really really kick ass (and usually played by hot actors, Val Kilmer, oh yeah).  He wasn't bitten by a radioactive spider or have his home planet blown up.  He's just a guy who experienced injustice first hand and wanted to counteract it. So I love Batman because he is a regular guy who is noble, and loves justice.  Seriously qualities I can get behind.  Plus you know, he could totally take you out for a night on the town in one of the vest cars ever, who doesn't want to joyride in the Batmobile? 


Side note about Superman though, Clark Kent, yum!  I was out one night with a friend, we were at Poison Girl, a hole in the wall hipster bar in the Montrose, and this tall guy with dark brown hair in pseudo-spikes (Edward Cullenish, messy but intentional) walked in wearing square-frame glasses, a white scarf, and a pea-coat with the collar popped, and the only words out of my mouth, to my friend of course, were "I just died and went to nerd heaven."  The guy totally had a Clark Kent vibe to him, and if I was the type to ever follow through with some of my more daring thoughts and ideas, I might have gone up to him and said something like, "do you wanna be my superman." (Yeah I know, I have the market cornered on coming up with cheesy pick-up lines, and falling for them as well, but maybe, that is another blog post for another day, or maybe if the world gets lucky, later today.)


Back to your regularly scheduled blog post, you know, Batman!  The first time I staffed Awakening I was a small group leader.  We had to come up with a name for our group, that somehow related to the theme, We Are Called.  The guy I was pared up with to lead the group for the weekend, I have know through my parish for a really long time, we more or less grew up at church together.  Anyway, going over possible names, we had both thought Batman when we thought of a name immediately, so there we were.  This is why I chose Batman more for those BYA9 memories than anything else.  We did old school Batman though, like the Adam West version.  So our group theme was sort of "Holy Rosary, Batman!"  Hahaha awesome.  

Wistful . . .

Was thinking about not going home tonight, and driving until I reached somewhere with no light pollution and no trees so I could look up and admire the stars.  But then I would have to drive back home.  I wonder sometimes, if it is really best for me to be like I am so open and caring.  I remember after some failed relationship or other such thing in my life, talking to Fr. Drew about how heart broken I was, and he said I needed to expect that with all the love in my heart.  I give of myself too easily, and I am starting to question if that is actually good for me, but I can't imagine being jaded and cynical would be any better.  Especially since I hate myself when I feel that way.  I should probably go to bed, I am sure none of this will matter in the morning.  But I needed to say something . . .


ETA: Yeah so I was one, tired, and two a little tipsy when I wrote this.  It's like Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy.

Day 5- Roman Holiday

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to




First off, let me just say that dangling preposition up there, driving me crazy, but I merely cut and pasted that, I didn't write it.  Anyway, I titled this Roman Holiday, like the movie, but it was really an Italian holiday.  In June 2002, the Catholic Studies Program at UST started it's Study Abroad program, 4 weeks in Italy, I couldn't resist. Especially since I have never really traveled out of the country, Canada doesn't really count, especially since it was only Niagara Falls, it was barely going out of the country.  So I spent the entire month of June in Italy, 4 days in Assisi, 4 days in Florence, and 3 weeks in Rome, sigh Roma Amor.


Now, unfortunately, I don't have a scanner, and I have very few pictures of this trip scanned, so I fif what any other nerdy girl would do, and I took pictures of my pictures, that's why they suck, but hey, it's better than nothing.  So with out much more further ado, I give you not just one, but several pictures of places I've been.

This is me and a fountain in Assisi.  Weird thing is this is the thinnest I have ever been, and I totally thought I was fat cause I was not a size 2.

This picture doesn't show it well, but this is the Valley below Assisi.

Rubbing St Peter's foot for a blessing.  And yes, my hair was that ridiculous color, so glad that's gone.

Pretty sure that is Santa Chiarra (St Clare's)

This is me and Carlo, he was the first real Italian I met.

This is at St Francis' Hermitage.

In Pisa!

'

This is me with one of the bells at the top of the Leaning Tour of Pisa.

In Pompeii.

On the balcony of the Papal Palace, that is of course St Peter's in the background.  Look at those crazy pants, they were my favorites. :)

JP2 we love your, this one the second time we saw him, and no I was not really that close, that is with a 300mm zoom lens.

St Peter's

This is the courtyard at San Damiano in Assisi, this is where St Clare lived.

Swiss Guard

This is the Porta Santa Anna, St Anne's Gate, the main entrance into the Vatican City.

So there you have it, a smattering of bad pictures of pictures from Italy.  It was an awesome trip. :)

Day 4 - Never Thought You'd Habit

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

The word habit comes from the Latin word habitus which means to have something.  So a habit is something you have . . . we generally speak of a habit referring to a behavior pattern, or a nun's dress. (hehe I know, I'm a total dork) A lot of things could fall under this category, the former that is, for me: procrastinating, leaving my shoes by the door, not doing the dishes, biting my nails, etc. I don't have any nun dresses, although, I once had a priest tell me that if I wanted to look like an nun, I needed to wear a 1960's pant suit, and that is so not a lie. 

Most of them all relate to procrastination, which really is a habit I wish I didn't have.  It's so habitual in me that it is almost a way of life.  Really I think it is because I am a bad self motivator.  I need the impending doom of a deadline to get things done.  It's sad really, but when I look at my family, I think it's genetic. You know how last names sort of started based on what you did, like Smith because you were a blacksmith, well I am pretty sure Persch is the German word for lazyass procrastinator.  Really it means rock, but what's the difference.  It's like the family motto is why do today what you can put off until tomorrow, or even next week.  I think this is also why I start a lot of projects, and never finish them.  I am trying to do better, I need to kick this bad habit (or genetic malfunction) before I go back to school, cause I am going to have to read and write, a lot!