Too Stressed to be Blessed . . .

Wait, I think I got that wrong. I am very blessed, even in the midst of all this stress. I was half successful in getting my assignments done on time, and with the other 2, well thank goodness for nice professors who are willing to give extensions, the one I was granted this morning is my 3rd this semester. I am relieved that my professors all seem to care so much about having me do well and be successful in school. If the opposite were true, I don't think I could make it through this program.  

Day 30

I am thankful for the end of the semester being in sight, and the fact that I don't have any assigned readings after next week so my homework will just be research and or writing. It seems a lot more manageable with all but 3 readings behind me. :)

Day 29

I am thankful for no classes today, a good night of sleep (the first one this week), and free lunch today! Off to the library for crazy fun reading times. :)

Things Standing Between Me and Freedom

Things standing between me and freedom, or what I have to have completed by 2 weeks from tomorrow:

• Work 8 - 4 on Saturday and 3 - 11:30 on Sunday (which means I am not getting home 'til almost 1)
• Read ~30 page for Fundamental Theology by Monday
• Read ~100 pages for Doctrine of God and write a 1 page paper by Monday at Noon
• Write a 250 word response paper for 3 Doctors of the Church by Wednesday
• Read 84 pages for Fundamental Moral on Friday
• Answer 3 Questions, 1000 words each for my exam in Fundamental Theology by 9 AM on Monday, Dec. 10
• Read ~60 pages to finish the Johnson book, read the USCCB's statement and her response
• Write 2 papers about the above (10 and 5 pages) by Noon, Tuesday, Dec. 11
• Write a 20 page paper of Natural Law and Freedom by Noon, on Tuesday Dec. 11 (yes, at the same time as the other one!!)
• Write a 15 page paper about Hildegard of Bingen and her music by Noon, Thursday Dec. 13
• Plus work the weekend of Dec 8 and 9, well hopefully not on the 9th, I asked for that off.

I am gonna be a busy girl the next two weeks. Please pray for me to stay focused so I can get all this done. 

Day 28

I am thankful that the end is in sight. 2 weeks from tomorrow all my work will be turned in and I'll be on my way home!

Day 27

I am thankful for this joy I feel, despite of all that is on my plate and the lack of time to complete it. well, it's either joy or I have finally officially lost my mind and gone into a state of delirium, either way, I am grateful for it! :)

Day 26

I am thankful for the chance to find beauty in nature. Like today when I was walking home from campus, I noticed how blue the sky was especially in contrast to the few big white fluffy clouds. This picture doesn't really do it justice.

Day 25

I am thankful for new friends. Some of the great people I have met up here have certainly helped me feel more at home being so far from home. But, I am also super excited that I'll be home in less than 3 weeks. I can't wait for Mexican food!!!!

Day 24

I am thankful for my alarm clock(s) without it (them), Id' never be anywhere on time in the morning. Especially if I have to get up at 6 and it is still dark out. :(

Day 23

I am thankful for taking yesterday off of work, even if it means I have more to do today than I have time for. I really needed the break. 

Day 22

I am thankful for having somewhere to go today. I was a bit worried I'd have to spend Thanksgiving all by myself. 

Day 21

I am thankful for Mo taking care of my Augie. I am having a lot easier time up here knowing my baby is safe and well cared for instead of in some shelter. 

Day 20

I am thankful for free bagel Tuesdays! Especially days like today when there is cream cheese and strawberry jam. Thank STM.

Day 19

I am thankful for Advil PM! 2 days on my feet for several hours in a row reeked havoc on my lower back and legs. Couple that with a half mile walk after said standing and the pain was pretty intense. So I am thankful for the Advil PM I took last night. I feel so much better today! :)

Day 18

I am thankful for finding a parish here in Boston that could truly rival St Laurence in Sugar Land. Having a place to worship where I really feel in place is a huge comfort being so far from all my family and friends. Of course I realize as a Catholic, the Mass is the same everywhere, but I can just put so much more of myself into the Mass when I am enjoying my surroundings and when others participate too. 

Day 17

I am thankful for a nice bed to sleep in. I am so exhausted . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Day 16

I am thankful for the way God loves me. He loves me just as I am but still leads me to be better, to be truly free. He calls me to be the best I can be, but loves me and accompanies me on my journey. 

Day 15

I am thankful that I can write my essays in the first person in grad school. It is so much easier to say we or us that one or they. :)

Also I am thankful we get total choice of topics for our research papers. It makes research so much more exciting.

Day 14

I am thankful for doing this I am thankful exercise, it is really helping develop an attitude of gratitude. Also, I am surprised at how hard it is to come up with things for which to be thankful. 

Day 13

I am thankful for getting 3 days off class next week so I have time to read and do research for my final papers that are due in less than a month. Sort of freaking out!

Day 12

I am thankful for life. It really is one of the greatest gifts we are given. So I am thankful I woke up today, and I have the chance to live before me! :)

Day 11

I am thankful to all those who stepped up and volunteered to serve their country. Happy(?) Veterans' Day!

Day 10

I am thankful for signs that confirm I am following the right path. Like getting home to a letter yesterday that said most of my fellowship came from a fund set up to support and recognize talented women studying theology at the STM. I am grateful that to receive that at a time when I was doubting my choice.

Day 9

I am thankful for finally getting a job. Not sure when I am starting, waiting to hear from the manager about my background check. Not sure how I am going to find time to get everything done, but God will provide.

Day 8

I'm thankful for music. The effect music has on me both singing and listening to it, is indescribable. Saint Augustine said, "When you sing you pray twice." I totally agree because music lifts the soul in unimaginable ways. It amazes me how a song can comfort me when I am sad, calm me when I am angry, lift my spirits when I am depressed, express the deepest desires of my heart, or validate my life choices. Music is just amazing. In a lot of ways I really feel music is God's language because it is not just heard, it is lived, experienced, felt, and it moves us.

Day 7

I am thankful for my Grandmother Persch. If she was still living today would be her 101st birthday! It has been 17 years (on this coming Sunday) since she passed away, and while she is not a canonized saint I am confident she is living in glory with our Eternal Father, and so I can gladly consider her my patron saint, after all she is my namesake. My middle name is Grace and so was hers, except unlike me, she went by her middle name. My first day teaching was November 7, 2005 and I am pretty sure she had her hand on that. As well as many other things that seem to happen on the 7th or 11th of November for me. I was just lamenting yesterday that if it was going to be this cold it should snow, and today, SNOW! :)

Day 6

I am thankful that we get to choose our leaders in this country, and I am thankful that since today is election day after today political propaganda is going away for a while.

While I have no idea who won, I already know I am not happy with the results. But that being said, 4 years is a short time.

Election season is a strange thing when you are living in a place and registered to vote somewhere else. I've seen tons of ads for things which aren't on my ballot, but if I was a Massachusetts voter, one thing I know for sure is that I would vote no on questions 2. Suicide is never dignified, and coercing those in the medical field to go along with it is unjust, so if you are in MA, please vote no on Question 2.

Day 5

I am thankful for warm clothes because it's cold outside folks. With all the struggles I am facing lately, at least I have food to eat, shelter over my head, and warm clothes to wear. Praying for those who don't have these things.

I am really enjoying this activity. It is allowing me to actually carry out rather well what Fr. Anthony advised me years ago: "Be attentive to blessings."

On another note, prayers at 2 PM for my interview will be very much appreciated. I really need a job.

Day 4

I am thankful for my faith. After reading the chapters from Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins, I am glad I have something bigger than me, something other than me to put my hope and trust in. I can't imagine how scary an existence belief in nothing would be. But to have confidence that unconditional love itself is taking an interest in me is a valuable source of hope and security.

Day 3

I am thankful for God who blesses me in ways I could never imagine and never fails to answer my prayers. My trust in God has brought me a lot in life and His blessings continue to shower down on me (I love it when how is unexpected).

Last night at "Open Mic Night" I heard this song, and I really feel like it describes how I want to live my life:

Day 2 . . .

Today I am thankful for real friends, my family, and those people who really care about me. The ones who I talk to and feel uplifted, not the people I talk to and start questioning all my decisions.

On another note, I'd appreciate prayers for a very special personal intention. God knows what it is.

Day 1

I see a lot of people updating Facebook statuses, starting today posting for what they are thankful. In the interest of procrastinating (how's that for honesty), I am going to write a blog post with something I want to give thanks for each day.

So, without further ado, Day 1:

I am thankful for being born in this time, place, and culture. Being born a female in 1980's America has offered me opportunities that would not otherwise be available to me. Prior to this time I would not be sitting her in a graduate theology library while I procrastinate on doing my homework. With all of its imperfections and pitfalls as a woman, this really is the best time and culture in which to be living. Other times I would not be allowed to pursue higher education, and at my age I'd be an old spinster.

Choices . . . revisited

Why is it that sometimes, the choices that are best for us to make are the hardest ones to make? How is it that a choice you make can be the right choice but still hurt? It seems like such a contradiction, but I know what I can and cannot endure. Repeating the past is definitely something I do not want. 

Every Four Years . . .

It seems like every four years my life sort of falls apart, and it's been four years since the last time, so it makes total sense that it would do it now.

Not sure how I am paying the rest of my bills for next month, rent is covered, but the others not so much, and I have no money for next month. I am trying to trust it will all work out, but I am also concerned about eating and stuff for the next 2 months. I should be OK in the spring, especially if I manage to get a job.

I am just so frustrated and so lonely. I am pretty sure I am lonelier now, living with people than I was when I lived alone. I also miss my kitties. Well really I miss Augie. He always seemed to make me feel better.

I just don't know what to do, anyone want to donate some money to a good cause, me?

Living alone is better . . .

I miss living alone. When I lived alone the following things never happened:

• Just finished cleaning the entire kitchen, ready to start the dishwasher when I finish with one last dish, and someone comes home and uses just about all the things in the kitchen. So much more for me to put away since it is still my week for dishes.
• Have to goo to the bathroom really bad and someone is in the shower
• Feeling unwelcome in your own home (well sometimes if I popped in in the middle of the day Augie would give me weird looks)
• Feeling exiled to your bedroom because the roommate who has a TV in her room is watching TV in the living room
• Being able to just walk to the bathroom from your bedroom with out having to be overly concerned about who might be outside either, like a roommates boyfriend
• Not getting a hot shower because you weren't the first one up.

I might feel differently if we ever did anything together, but I really hate this 3 strangers in one house deal.

Choices . . .

I've been thinking about choices a lot the past couple days. It seems that in choosing this we cannot have that. I want two different things very much, but circumstances being as they are, I cannot have them both. How do I choose? Why is it I cannot have both dreams? And what if I give one up only to have the other not work out, then what? This is the 3rd time I have started my life over, maybe not totally from scratch, but moved in a total different direction than the path I was on. In some ways I feel as if this past decade or so of my life has been 3 lifetimes. I am 31, but sometimes I feel as if I have dealt with so much that I could easily be half again or twice that age. 

I do not regret any of my past choices because I know I would not be who I am today if I had not made them, and I know I would not be where I am had I not made them. I like the status quo so I am usually slow to make large decisions, that and I am riddled with anxiety about making them, I thought about going to grad school for at least 7 years before I actually got up the courage to apply. Most people are afraid of failure, there is even a name for that phobia, Atychiphobia, my phobia isn't really failure, but success. There is no name for that, except maybe cowardice. I've blogged about that before, you can read it here: Atychiphobia or not. That is not really what I am talking about here.

Yesterday I posted this as my Facebook status: "It's hard when you have two big dreams, and you really want to follow them both, but circumstances being as they are, following one seems to necessitate giving up the other. How do you choose when thinking of giving up either one leaves you really unsettled? Does this mean one isn't really your dream or can we really not have all our dreams? It is really confusing, especially when considered in the light of Psalm 37:4, 'Find your delight in the LORD who will give you your heart’s desire.'"

Is it really so wrong, that I just want it all?

Ramblin' (wo)Man

I am at that point, where I have so much to do, that I just want to do nothing.  Today wasn't totally wasted, I went to class, read the last chapter for one class and maybe a third of my reading for another class. Then I left the library to have lunch and take a quick nap, that's where it all went to hell. Instead of taking a nap, I watched 3 episodes of Bunheads (Thanks Peter for getting me hooked on that) and then attempted to read. That didn't work out so well because I was having trouble focusing due to the lack of the aforementioned nap, so I watched an episode of Friends and put all my readings into their appropriate binders as I watched 2 episodes of Grimm, needless to say, I am as caught up on TV as I can be, oh wait no, I haven't watched Downton Abbey, but my work is no where near done. I have a paper due Thursday that I have no idea what I want to say in, and a lot of reading to do.  It's so overwhelming. Not to mention, my bank account is so not looking good.  I was checking my Walgreens application and it still wasn't done, so I completed that. I really hope they call me in for an interview because I really need a job. Not sure how I am going to fund my living expenses for the rest of the year. :(

On a happier note, Peter came up this weekend. It was wonderful to get to see him, and we had a lot of fun. Friday we met downtown by Boston Commons and walked through the Common and the Gardens in the cold and had dinner at Cheers, such a tourist thing to do. Then Saturday, we got up, went to see the cemetery where Paul Revere, Sam Adams, John Hancock, et al are buried, walked all over downtown, went to Quincy Market, and then went to the harbor.  We grabbed a quick lunch and hopped on the T to meet some people at the STM to go apple picking and wine tasting. It was so fun! Sunday we went to Mass at St Cecilia's, had lunch with some STMers and chilled out til it was time for Peter to leave.  Then I did my homework, bummer. I miss him a lot. :(

Unanswered Prayers or Blessing in Disguise?

So I was flipping through my journal from when I gave my BYA talk, because sometimes I need to read the affirmations from my fellow speakers, and I found an entry I wrote about St. Monica

From August 27, 2007 about 7 PM (in Adoration)

Today is the feast of St Monica, the patron saint of unanswered prayers.

Monica is just about the ultimate example of palanca. She lifted Augustine up in prayer everyday for years, seemingly without success.

He remained the faithless playboy he had been.

But deep down God was working, bringing Augustine to Ambrose.

It's funny how we think of our prayers and the way we want them answered, but God has different plans.

Monica probably wanted a quick, Paul-on-the-way-to-Damascus conversion for Augustine, but instead it was years and years, subtle turn by subtle turn.

Had Augustine had an instantaneous conversion, I think we'd lack an incredible example in our church. I know I relate better to Augustine than to someone like Therese of Lesieux.

Plus, Augustine opened the way for intellectuals in the Church. Without him theology wouldn't be what it is today.

St Monica has me thinking about unanswered prayers in my life. If prayers = instant gratification, I don't think that would be good. I have to agree with Garth Brooks--sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know the spacing and line breaks are strange, but I wanted to copy this how it was in the journal.

Happy Feast of Saint Francis of Assisi

In honor of St Francis, I give you a poorly written paper on his life that I wrote the night before it was due during my undergrad.  Good Times!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Life of St. Francis and the Art it Inspired

In the year 1182 in the small Umbrian city of Assisi, Italy, a man was born who would forever change Christian art and thinking: Francis Bernardone.  Francis’ teaching had a tremendous influence on art.  One look around Assisi and Francis’ influence cannot be missed.  The Basilica of San Francesco, the most noticeable monument to Francis that can be seen in Assisi, contains three chapels - the upper church, the lower church, and the crypt chapel containing the tombs of Francis and four of his brothers.  The upper church at San Francesco is decorated with many frescoes, but 28 stand out because they present the life of St. Francis.  These paintings often referred to as the “Legend/Life of St. Francis,” are believed to have been painted by Giotto di Bondone and his school[1].  The Giotto sequence in the upper church parallels the life of Francis to the life of Christ.  This sequence is very significant in the art and thought of the Church because it was the first time it had been done.  Francis, whose life went from being a fighter to a builder, was very important in the building of the kingdom of heaven.

            Francis Bernardone was born into the Assisi merchant class, his father a wealthy cloth merchant and his mother thought to be from Province nobility; Francis was one of several children[2].  He was baptized at Santa Maria Maggiore in Assisi, in the font that was moved to San Rufino at its completion (St Clare was also baptized in this font).  His mother baptized him John after John the Baptist.  However, when his father returned home from business in France, he called him Francis.  Francis’ father taught him the family business.  One day in his father’s shop, a beggar came in and begged in the name of Christ of Francis and he turned him away only to realize what he had done and tracked down the beggar so he may give him something.  It was that day that Francis decided to never turn away anyone who begged of him in the name of Christ[3].  At the time of Francis’ birth, there were three classes in Assisi, the nobility; which you could only be born into; the merchant class; and the poor.  During this time, there was a struggle between the nobility and the merchant class.  Francis, in his young adulthood wanted to move up between the classes, so he became a knight and went off to fight.  He participated in the revolt against the German count, lord of Assisi and found himself imprisoned in Perugia.  After his imprisonment, Francis became ill, but at the first chance after he recovered his health, he set off to fight in Apulia.  Before he left, he encountered a noble knight who was poverty stricken and exchanged cloaks with the man.  Before his departure, Francis dreamt of a room full of weapons.  When he inquired to whom they belonged, he was told they were his; thus, Francis set off the next day to Apulia.  When he reached Spoleto, he had another dream where he was asked if it was better to serve the master or servant.  When he answered the master, he was asked, “Why do you serve the servant instead of the master the poor instead of the rich?”  It was then he realized the Lord was speaking to him, and he was instructed to return home where he would be told what he was to do[4].  This was when Francis chose to take as his bride Lady Poverty.  He also decided to take a pilgrimage to Rome to visit the tombs of the Apostles.  When in Rome he exchanged clothing with a beggar and sat at the door to St. Peter’s begging[5].  After his return to Assisi while in prayer at San Damiano, the crucifix spoke to him and told him to “rebuild my church.”  Francis took this message literally as the church of San Damiano had fallen into ruin; thus, he began to physically rebuild the church of San Damiano.  Francis got the money to rebuild the church by taking cloth from his father’s shop and selling it to pay for the materials.  Francis’ father was not happy with him taking the cloth from his shops and spending the profits, so he imprisoned Francis in a closet.  During his father’s absence, his mother released him.  He took refuge at San Damiano with the priest there until his father called him before the civil authorities to force him to give up his inheritance where Francis declared that since had he was no longer under civil jurisdiction since he had entered the service of God.  Thus he was called before the Bishop where he removed his clothing and gave them to his father, denouncing him saying, “Hitherto I have called you my father on earth; henceforth I desire to say only ‘Our Father who art in Heaven.’”[6]  Legend has it that the Bishop wrapped his cloak around Francis symbolizing the acceptance of his mission by the Church.  After this, Francis continued his mission to rebuild the church, begging for stones; he repaired San Damiano, Saint Peter’s, and the shrine of the Porziuncola.  Francis took on the lifestyle of poverty as directed in the gospel and was joined by three followers - Bernard of Quintavalle, Peter of Cattaneo, and Giles.  The four went out in pairs, making an impression with their words and behavior.  As a result, it was not long before several people grouped themselves around Francis ready to share his poverty[7].  When their numbers had reached eleven, the first rule of the Friars minor was composed, and the friars set out for Rome to gain the approval of the Holy See.  At first Innocent III rejected them.  It is said that Innocent, the Pope at the time, had a dream that Francis was holding up the Basilica of St. John Lateran, and he asked to speak to Francis and he gave verbal approval for his order.  In 1211 due to the generosity of the Benedictines, Francis and his brothers were given the Porziuncola, the chapel of St. Mary of the angels.  The first Franciscan convent was established by there by the building of several huts, shortly after Francis and the friars were joined by new recruits, among them Angelus Tancredi, Leo and Rufinus[8].  In 1212, Clare joined Francis order.  On Palm Sunday, at the age of eighteen, after being impressed by Francis’ preaching, Clare ran away from her father’s house to the Porziuncula where she was received by Francis and his brothers.  Francis clothed her in a “rough tunic and a thick veil”[9] and cut her hair.  Because there was no women’s convent, Francis arranged for Clare to stay with the local Benedictine sisters.  She remained there until her sister had joined her, whose name was changed to Agnes because Clare’s prayers saved her from being drug away by the twelve, armed men her father sent to fetch her[10].  Francis established them in a convent adjacent to San Damiano, now in good condition by the work of Francis’ hands[11].  Clare and her sisters took a very strict vow of poverty, to have nothing but what the brothers could beg for them.  Cardinal Ugolino, who was named protector of the order, thought it was unrealistic for the cloistered sisters to live off only what the brothers could gain for them by begging.  Therefore, he set up the sisters’ rule very much like that of the Benedictine sisters.  Clare was not satisfied with this; she wanted the privilege of poverty, to be able to rely solely on begging and God’s providence.  Clare spent a good part of her life asking the popes to approve her rule and finally, two days before she died, Innocent IV “solemnly confirmed the definitive Rule of the Clares.”[12]  Clare had a special devotion to the Holy Eucharist.  She is often depicted holding a ciborium because during the attacks of Frederick II Clare stood at the doorway to the sisters’ dwelling at San Damiano holding the ciborium and the men fled[13].  Clare is responsible for starting the second order of the three orders of Franciscans, the Poor Clares.  When Clare died, the people of Assisi wanted her body inside the city because twice the prayers of she and the sisters saved the city from destruction.  In homage, they erected the Basilica of Santa Chiara as a monument for her just as they erected San Francesco for Francis because she is his female equivalent[14].  When Francis wanted to give his life wholly over to contemplation, become a hermit, Clare convinced him to keep his presence in the world, although for the most part Francis never truly separated the active and the contemplative life[15].  However, Francis often hiked up Mount Subasio to the Carceri, caves in the limestone called prisons, with his brothers Leo and Rufinus, to spend time alone in contemplative prayer[16]; each had a cave to themselves at the hermitage. 

Many stories are attributed to Francis illustrating his control over creation.  For instance, the story of Francis silencing the birds, he and one of his brothers were at a Venetian Lagoon and they heard some birds singing.  Francis and his brother decided they should sing their office with the birds, but the birds were so loud that they could not hear each other, so Francis asked the birds to be quiet until they had finished praying, and the birds were silent until Francis told them to sing again[17].  Also the story of “the Miracle of the Spring,” Francis, feeling ill and weak was riding on a donkey leant to him by a peasant, when the peasant started complaining of thirst.  Francis asked for God’s assistance, and water sprang forth from a rock, where never before had water been found and water has not been found since.  This creates parallel between Francis and Moses, making water flow from a rock[18].  Francis had a great love of creation, which could possibly be attributed to the Albigencian heresy, the belief that Jesus was only true God, and not true man.  Francis fought this heresy by emphasizing the humanity of Christ creating the first nativity scene, Christmastime of the year 1223.  He also placed a great emphasis on the Passion, Death, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ, possibly even starting the devotion of the Stations of the Cross.  In his fight against Albigencianism, Francis chose to celebrate the humanity of Christ, and the goodness of all creation, in a time when creation and humanity were thought to be evil.  In 1216, while he was in prayer at the Porziuncula, Christ appeared to Francis and offered him any favor he desired.  Francis being concerned greatly with the salvation of souls, he asked for a plenary indulgence for those who confess their sins in the Porziuncula[19].  This was early in the pontificate of Honorius III, he agreed, but limited the indulgence to just one day, August 2[20].  Francis’ preaching drew large crowds.  People were “allured by the magic spell of his presence, admiring crowds, unused for the rest to anything like popular preaching in the vernacular, followed Francis from place to place hanging on his lips . . . the extraordinary enthusiasm with which the saint was everywhere welcomed was equaled only by the immediate and visible result of his preaching”[21].  Francis was very influential in the rise of the vernacular, he preached in the vernacular and wrote in the vernacular, for example his famous “Canticle of the Creatures” was written in his dialect. 

The Third Order of Franciscans, the Brothers And Sisters of Penance was founded somewhere around the year 1221 in Camara, a small village near Assisi where the people were so moved by what Francis taught they wanted to be part of his community.  Third Order Franciscans are not to “carry arms, or take oaths, or engage in lawsuits, etc.”[22]  The event that symbolizes the culmination of paralleling Francis’ life to Christ occurred in September of 1224; Francis becomes the first person to receive the wounds of Christ, the stigmata.  “The saints right side was described as bearing an open wound which looked as if made by a lance, and while through his hands and feet were black nails of flesh, the points of which were bent backward.”[23]  At the reception of the stigmata, Francis’ body was already weak and the pains that cause were tremendous.  Two years later, when he felt death was near, Francis asked to be taken to the Porziuncula, so that he might die in the place he loved so much.  Francis died October 3, 1226.  After his death, his body was taken by the church of San Damiano so that Clare and her sisters might say their goodbyes and venerate the stigmata, and Francis’ body was buried in the church of St. George in Assisi until the double Basilica of San Francesco could be built.  It is said that the saint wanted to be buried on Colle d’Inferno, a hill west of Assisi that served as the gallows[24], and it is on that spot that the Basilica of San Francesco stands today. 

            The construction of the basilica took twenty-seven years to build the entire complex, both upper and lower church.  Nevertheless, by the year 1230, the lower church of the basilica was ready to receive the body of St. Francis, and he is buried under the main altar in the lower church where in the nineteenth century the crypt chapel was built around his tomb.  Attached to the Basilica of San Francesco is a convent for Franciscan friars, the entire complex of the churches and the convent is thirteen stories tall.  Between the two levels, the basilica is decorated with the most frescoes in one location, depicting scenes from the Old Testament, the Life of Jesus, the life of St. Francis, and the virtues.  Frescoes have been nicknamed the poor man’s art, as they provide a good teaching tool for the illiterate.  At this time, the majority of the world could not read so the churches were decorated with frescoes that told the message the Church wanted taught.  One of the most famous fresco painters at the time the Basilica of San Francesco was being decorated was Giotto di Bondone. 

Giotto was born in 1266 in a village near Florence.  He was a student of Cimabue.  Around 1290, he began work on the upper bays of the upper church at San Francesco and painted the St. Francis cycle from 1296 to 1299.  Not all of the 28 frescoes in this cycle can be attributed to Giotto; his school did some.  Some consider Giotto the greatest gothic painter because his style made the definitive break between the Byzantine and Italian Gothic styles.  Giotto began to model his figures, making them appear to have three dimensions, and began to create the illusion of space in his paintings.  Some think the images of St. Francis painted by Giotto in the upper church bear the closet resemblance to the way the saint actually looked.  The upper Church is the first time that the life of a man was ever paralleled to the life of Christ. 

The second painting in the cycle is of Francis giving his cloak to a knight of noble birth who was very poor.  As far as the paintings of Giotto go, this was one of the first in the cycle he painted; his style is set and distinguishable by this point.  This painting is stylistically set up to divine the religious and secular life, with the town of Assisi on the left and the Abbey of San Benedetto on the right[25].

The next painting is the vision of the palace.  This depicts Francis’ dream while on his way to Apuila to become a knight of a building full of weapons.  When he asks to whom they belong he is told they are for him and his soldiers, he takes this to mean he is supposed to be a knight.  Until he is asked, “who is it better to serve a servant or the master?” to which Francis replied, “the master of course,” and the voice responds, “then why do you serve the servant?”  It was then that Francis knew it was God and the Lord and returned to Assisi to discover God’s plan for him[26]. 

This is followed by the miracle of the crucifix After his dream, Francis was praying before the painted crucifix at the church of San Damiano just outside the city of Assisi and from the crucifix, three times the voice of Jesus told Francis to go and rebuild his Church.  Which actually alluded to the Church of Rome, but Francis set out to rebuild the church of San Damiano that had fallen into a state of near ruin.  He continued to rebuild two other churches before he came to understand that he was being called to rebuild the Body of Christ, not the church buildings[27].  Once he got the message, Francis made quite a difference in the rebuilding of the Church. 

The next fresco shows Francis disowning his father.  At the top of the painting in the center there is a hand with two fingers extended that lines up with Francis’ outstretched hand, as if to communicate God’s approval of Francis’ choice.  In addition, in this painting the hand of Francis’ father is being held to prevent him from hitting Francis.  The bishop wrapping his cloak around Francis symbolizes the Church accepting and embracing Francis’ mission[28]. 

After Francis had gathered some followers, he drafted up a rule of life for them, and went to get the order approved by the pope at the time, Innocent III.  He would not see him, until after one night when Innocent had a dream that a “miserable little poor man” was holding up the Basilica of St. John Lateran, and he recognized him as the beggar outside the church and asked to speak to him and the Friars Minor were a recognized order. 

The next painting in the cycle represents this.  Following the Dream of Innocent III is the painting of the Confirmation of the rule.  This painting shows Innocent III giving Francis verbal approval for his order.  Thus, Francis had authorization to preach the Gospel[29]. 

Another important thing that Francis did was to create the first nativity scene.  Francis celebrated creation in a time when most people saw all creation as evil, and the biggest heresy of the time insisted that Jesus was not true man because humanity was evil.  So what did Francis do?  He celebrated the humanity of Christ, Christmas time, 1223; Francis sets up the first nativity scene to commemorate the birth of Christ, a celebration of Christ humanity, which at the time flew in the face of everything everyone believed in.  Francis not only celebrated the birth of Christ but also held very dear the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Christ, also emphasizing Christ humanity because if Christ was not human he could not have suffered or died for our sins.  Francis was also greatly concerned with the salvation of man, and Christ dying for the sins of man is very important in that.  This painting of the crib at Greccio is very important because it shows Francis’ focus on the humanity of Christ and in turn all creation. 

The next painting in the cycle is the miracle of the spring, when Francis was on his way to Mount La Verna and riding on the donkey of a poor laborer because he was very weak and ill, and that laborer complained of great thirst.  Francis asked God for assistance, and from a rock sprang water, where water had never before flown and has never flown since.  This painting was largely done by one of the followers of Giotto, not Giotto himself[30].

The painting that truly emphasizes the parallel between Francis and Christ is the one depicting the impression of the Stigmata.  This is important because it shows that Francis’ life was similar enough to Christ’s that he was worthy of suffering the wounds of Christ.  This painting shows the six-winged seraph impressing on Francis the five wounds of Christ, nails in the hands and feet and a wound on his side.  The stigmata caused Francis’ already frail body very much pain[31]. 

The cycle continues with a painting of Francis’ death.  He died near the Porziuncula his beloved chapel, in a hut that served as the infirmary.  This painting depicts the night of his passing with all the brothers, and the ascension of his soul to heaven.  Francis considered the porziuncula the place where he had received true life, and that is why he wanted to die near there.  The spot where he died is now the Chapel of the Transitus in the Basilica of St. Mary of the Angels, located next to a convent of Franciscan friars.  It is said that the brothers who were with Francis when he died witnessed his soul ascending to heaven, received by a star[32].

The life of St. Francis was very influential in reforming the religious life of the Church of the Middle Ages, as well as changing Christian thinking and art.  Francis truly took the Lord’s command to him to “rebuild my Church” to heart, and he accomplished his mission in two ways, he physically rebuilt three churches and with the foundations of the Three orders of Franciscans, he was very influential in the rebuilding of the Church as the Body of Christ.  He chose to live a life of poverty at a time when most members of the clergy and religious life were living lives of luxury and wealth.  Francis truly lived the Gospel; it is no wonder that the saying, “Preach the Gospel, use words if necessary” is attributed to him.  He truly lived the Gospel and saved his preaching for the times that his brothers just did not get the message.  Francis truly was the great builder.

---

[1] Although some believe that neither Giotto nor his school painted them

[2] Source: Catholic Encyclopedia: St. Francis of Assisi

[3] St Francis of Assisi Von Matt pg 3

[4] Ibid.  Pg 9

[5] Ibid.  Pg 11

[6] Catholic Encyclopedia: St Francis of Assisi

[7] Ibid.

[8] Ibid.

[9] Catholic Encyclopedia: St. Clare of Assisi

[10] Dictionary of Saints pg 148

[11] Catholic Encyclopedia: St. Clare of Assisi

[12] Ibid.

[13] Ibid.

[14] Ibid.

[15] Catholic Encyclopedia: St Francis

[16] Von Matt pg 31

[17] Ibid.  Pg 37

[18] Ibid.  Pg 45 and Dozzini pg 35

[19] Catholic Encyclopedia: St Francis

[20] Ibid.

[21] Ibid.

[22] Ibid.

[23]Ibid.

[24] Ibid.

[25] Dozzini Pg 11

[26] Ibid.  Pg 13

[27] Ibid.  Pg15

[28] Ibid.  Pg 17

[29] Ibid.  Pg 21

[30] Ibid.  Pg. 35

[31] Ibid.  Pg 45

[32] Ibid.  Pg 47

My $0.02 . . .

I rarely ever talk about politics, but I feel compelled, much like I did to write this blog post. A friend of mine posted a "question" on her blog about whether or not a Catholic could vote for Obama. I say "question" because the rest of the post seemed to be reasons to say you aren't Catholic if you do. You can read the post here. Basically she cites issues related to the sanctity of life and gay marriage. You can see my stance on gay marriage in the first link, and as far as sanctity of life read on.

I do not deny that the sanctity of life is very important. As I posted on Facebook status that really prompted me, being pro-life is fundamental to who I am, and I mean all stages of life. Before I got into theology, before my senior year in high school, a horrendous hate crime was committed in east Texas, 3 white supremacists drug James Byrd behind their pick-up truck to his death. I recall talking with my mom about this as we were going into Kroger as the trial was starting. I remember telling her something to effect of: I know what those guys did was awful, and they really deserve some major punishment, but I don't think we should kill them for it. Even then I saw the death penalty as a violation of the sanctity of life. Consequently, one of those murderers, Lawrence Russell Brewer, is now the cause of those on death row no longer getting a special last meal because he ordered enough food for at least four people and ate none of it. The waste of food really made me mad, but that is another issue for another time.

The sanctity of life is not a negotiable issue for me. I believe that life should be protected and cherished from conception to natural death, in all cases. That being said, I hate that our major political parties have aligned themselves so firmly on either side of the debate. I see it as a manipulative strategy on the part of the parties to get people to align themselves with one party or another based on that issue where otherwise, they may not. And I do understand that there are pro-chose republicans and pro-life democrats, but they are very small minorities in the parties. Especially as Catholics we are told over and over we should not vote for Pro-choice candidates, unless of course there is a very legitimate well-founded reason for doing so. So, you end up with Catholics feeling locked in to vote republican to be true to their faith. 

Realistically though, whether a candidate is pro-life or pro-choice, doesn't seem to matter to them after 7 PM on election day. Pro-life politicians at high levels of government don't seem to be doing anything to overturn Roe v. Wade. For example, Bush 43 ran on a pro-life platform and did nothing to help make abortion illegal. Along those same lines, abortion being illegal doesn't really solve the life issue either. The real issue is that we need to change people’s hearts with regard to these issues, a law will not be effective without a change of heart. Before abortion was legal, people were having abortions, usually much to the detriment on the mother’s health, and even in the 1st and 2nd centuries, infanticide was regular in the Roman Empire. This isn't a new issue and laws have certainly not done anything to change the hearts of people in regards to it.

I say how you vote depends where your conscience leads you (falling back on my Thomistic roots) presuming you have formed your conscience well. There could be well-found reasons for voting for a pro-choice candidate.

4 weeks

4 weeks, that's how long I have been in Boston and in Grad School. It's been a crazy 4 weeks. I've already written 9 papers, and I've read over 1,000 pages of material.  And, while I am totally overwhelmed most of the time, I love it!

I am adjusting to walking everywhere too, and navigating the buses and T. I tried to go to Mass in town last week, misunderstood the directions, and ended up God knows where, but tomorrow I am headed into town after a coat and some boots, so I am hoping I have better luck. I might try to get my phone looked at as well, every time I try to use the camera, it restarts. Ugh, they fixed this problem once.

Still working on making friends in Boston, I think part of the problem is I am always in the library reading or watching tv on hulu.  I'm addicted or something. :)

I am also getting acquainted with Karl Rahner, and I am not sure I like it.  People keep telling me he's a Thomist, but I'm not processing him as such. I am trying to keep an open mind.

So things about Boston:

• People don't acknowledge each other on the street, no hellos, no passing greetings, no smiles, very different from Texas.
• It's already cold (and yes, I know it will get worse :( )
• Hills!!!!
• I've actually voluntarily eaten clam chowder, twice!
• Things are much closer together than they appear on the map (but unless you walk, that distance takes the same amount of time it would in Houston by car on the T)

Things about BC/STM:

• First names everywhere (yes we call our professors by their first names, even the priest minus the father before)
• Jesuits everywhere, but I guess that happens at one of the only 2 Jesuit seminaries in the country, and none of the priest wear collars, so my 3 male professors are all priests, but I had no idea, crazy. Same with the Jesuits in my classes, glad I am not looking for someone to date cause I have no idea who most of them are!
• Coffee!!!! 
• The TML is the place to be, seriously.
• BC loves using Initials for stuff: BC- Boston College, STM- School of Theology and Ministry, and TML- Theology and Ministry Library
• Free food - Breakfast on Tuesday and Lunch on Thursday
• The best chocolate chip cookies . . . I had 3 yesterday
• Rahner, Rahner, Rahner, everywhere
• 500 pages of printing = about 4 weeks worth

That's all I have right now, but give me another 4 weeks and there will be more. :)

Thinking about "Marriage"

Just throwing this out there because it seems to be the topic of the hour/day/week/month, and I am sure my view will offend someone. I really never intended to express my opinion on this, but really I feel compelled to at this point in time.

I believe in traditional marriage, one man and one woman, until death, from a religious standpoint.  

God ordained religious marriage as such, see Genesis 1-3 and Matthew 19 when Jesus references back to that in speaking of Marriage.  I know several other places in the Old Law (Leviticus and Deuteronomy) say some other varying things about Marriage, but Jesus told us himself that he came to fulfill the Law and the Prophets, by which, those are no longer rules we are supposed to follow.  We are now to follow Jesus's Commandments, which sum up the whole Law and the Prophets, Love God and Love your neighbor as yourself.  Now this requires a proper understanding of love and persons (I suggest reading Love and Responsibility, or the Theology of the Body, or something by Christopher West to get what I mean, I am not expounding on that now).

However, as a woman who has been married in the Catholic Church and subsequently gone through a divorce (which is only civil), and the annulment process in the Church, I can say that while there was one ceremony that made both the religious and civil bond of marriage, the two were very different.  The civil dimension of my marriage was easily dissolved, just a few signatures on a paper and it's done.  The process of getting my Declaration of Nullity was entirely different.  This is how I realize the difference between these two kinds of marriage.

Having said that, my views on marriage are as follows: as far as a civil marriage is concerned, I don't really care who marries who, as long as it is two human beings be it a man and woman, man and man, or woman and woman.  We live in a country were we each have certain rights and speaking from a civil aspect they should be the same for all people regardless of sexual orientations, race, or creed.  Because we stand up for religious freedom in this country, sometimes that requires us to stand up and support other people's right to believe something to which we are apposed. 

We need to remember we are called to love the sinner and hate the sin, we do not live in a Christian Theocracy.  The first amendment does not only protect religious freedom for those with a Jude-Christian belief system, but all religions, including the right not to have one. That being said, I do not believe religious institutions who oppose same sex unions should be forced to perform ceremonies to bring them about.

The way I see it, especially as a Catholic, religious marriage and civil marriage are two different entities.

Various Things . . .

Been a rough week and a worse weekend.  Nothing like getting dumped on the phone minutes before attending Mass.

I am pursuing my dream, but why does following my desires mean I have to give up so much?  I have to give up my 2 kitties I love so much, especially Augie, it breaks my heart and now this.  I also have to give up most of my stuff, seeing my friends (which lately I admittedly have been not so great at doing anyway), and Peter.  Things really started unraveling at the beginning of April when I decided to leave.

I am sure the hand of God is guiding me in this, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Although I am no stranger to having everything in my life change at once, it happened before and I survived it, and I can get through it again. I just wish I didn't have to.  The same song lyrics are running through my mind that always do when things like this happen: "I say my heart is broken Lord, You say, put down your mourning for I am leading you in joy; I hate what's new, I miss what's old, You say, look and see you would not believe what I was doing were it told to you!" (I Sing by Kelly Pease)

~~~~~~

And onto another thought . . . .

The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman

OK, so I haven't read the whole book, but I do know my 2 primary love languages and based on the part of the book I have read, I can say, he has it right.  If you aren't experiencing love in your language, you aren't really experiencing love.  My love languages are receiving gifts and quality time; it doesn't matter how may words of affirmation, acts of service, or physical touching I get, without those two things I feel unloved.  Which isn't to say that I don't value those other 3, there are times that is important.  It's like being fluent in one language and understanding bits of others, while you may know a word here and there, that language doesn't communicate to you. 

Help these Kitties find a Home!

Please help me find my kitties a home.  Share this with everyone you know in the Houston area!