Choices . . .

I've been thinking about choices a lot the past couple days. It seems that in choosing this we cannot have that. I want two different things very much, but circumstances being as they are, I cannot have them both. How do I choose? Why is it I cannot have both dreams? And what if I give one up only to have the other not work out, then what? This is the 3rd time I have started my life over, maybe not totally from scratch, but moved in a total different direction than the path I was on. In some ways I feel as if this past decade or so of my life has been 3 lifetimes. I am 31, but sometimes I feel as if I have dealt with so much that I could easily be half again or twice that age. 

I do not regret any of my past choices because I know I would not be who I am today if I had not made them, and I know I would not be where I am had I not made them. I like the status quo so I am usually slow to make large decisions, that and I am riddled with anxiety about making them, I thought about going to grad school for at least 7 years before I actually got up the courage to apply. Most people are afraid of failure, there is even a name for that phobia, Atychiphobia, my phobia isn't really failure, but success. There is no name for that, except maybe cowardice. I've blogged about that before, you can read it here: Atychiphobia or not. That is not really what I am talking about here.

Yesterday I posted this as my Facebook status: "It's hard when you have two big dreams, and you really want to follow them both, but circumstances being as they are, following one seems to necessitate giving up the other. How do you choose when thinking of giving up either one leaves you really unsettled? Does this mean one isn't really your dream or can we really not have all our dreams? It is really confusing, especially when considered in the light of Psalm 37:4, 'Find your delight in the LORD who will give you your heart’s desire.'"

Is it really so wrong, that I just want it all?