Atychiphobia or Not

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." Marianne Williamson


I think this quote sums me up rather well.  Atychiphobia is the fear of failure, except I am not sure that I am really afraid of failure, I am actually more afraid of success.  Only there isn't an name for that particular phobia or fear.


I have all these aspirations, goals, and things I want to accomplish, but there is always some reason that I cannot do these things. I think this is part of my procrastination problem.  It took me forever to write 2 little pages to say why I want to study theology at UND, and now I am mostly done with it.  Going to look at it tomorrow and fix it, then hopefully a former professor I am planning to meet with can help me with it some.  


I am not sure though which outcome is really scaring me the most.  Am I more worried about getting in and actually moving far away and not knowing anyone, or am I afraid I won't get in and I'll have to figure out some other path for my life.  


Either way, I am determined to try.  I really want to do this, but you know, there is only so much school I can go do, eventually I will have to get a real job.  I think it's just easier to be a slacker, then no one expects anything from you, and you don't have to expect much from yourself.  Whereas if you actually do stuff, people will expect you to do more stuff.  I am just hoping that Homer Simpson was wrong when he said, "Trying is the first step to failure," and fairly more accurate when he said, "Stupid risks make life worth living."


All in all, I am very hopeful that the need for a real winter wardrobe is in my not so distant future.