The Summons

On Sunday, we sang this song, "The Summons" at Mass, and I love the words, but I am not thrilled with the tune, so I kind of don't like the song, but that is neither here nor there, because I m concerned with the lyrics.


It got me thinking, how often does God call us to something, and we ignore it, or say no God, after I do this or that, then I can do what you are calling me to.  And, it has me wondering, is that what I am doing with my postponing applying to grad school?  Ignoring a call?  I mean sure I have a lot of reasons for putting it off, and there are many valid excuses, but it makes me wonder, even though I feel good about the decision.  I always seem to think I know better though, like I feel tugged in this direction, but no, I want to do that and I will regardless if doing the other might be so much better for me.  


I am not sure I want to answer a call, "and never be the same," except trying to avoid change is impossible for a human here on earth, we are in a constant state of change, getting older, cells dividing, dying, etc.  Change is inevitable we get older every second.  It's pride, I know, but it doesn't change the sentiment, thinking I know what's best for me, better than God.  I get burned most of the time too, but it doesn't seem to make me want to do anything differently.  I know God will never call me to something that isn't the exact perfect right fit, but still, I can't trust and follow.  I am ruled by fear and cowardice.  


I think about this quote a lot:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." Marianne Williamson


I am not really afraid of failing, I am scared that I am actually going to accomplish something and then what?  I'll have to do something else?  It's not that I am lazy, it's more that I m afraid of my potential, figuring out what I m actually capable of, it's scary.  Am I alone in my fear of success, I was looking at a list of phobias, the fear of failure was there, but no fear of success, or maybe people just aren't as honest about what they are really scared of.




The Summons by John Bell
1. Will you come and follow me
If I but call your name?
Will you go where you don’t know
And never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown,
Will you let my name be known,
Will you let my life be grown
In you and you in me?

2. Will you leave yourself behind
If I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind
And never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare
Should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer
In you and you in me?

3. Will you let the blinded see
If I but call your name?
Will you set the pris’ners free
And never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean,
And do such as this unseen,
And admit to what I mean
In you and you in me?

4. Will you love the ‘you’ you hide
If I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside
And never be the same?
Will you use the faith you’ve found
To reshape the world around,
Through my sight and touch and sound
In you and you in me?

5. Lord, your summons echoes true
When you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you
And never be the same.
In your company I’ll go
Where your love and footsteps show.
Thus I’ll move and live and grow
In you and you in me.