Honestly . . .

Honestly, I am not looking forward to Spring Break next week because without classes, it won't have enough distraction for me. Funny how I have enough trouble concentrating and usually don't want to be in class when I have them, it is a nice distraction from dealing with myself and this situation. Even now, I should be reading these last 2 chapters of this book before class at 4, but instead I am playing around on the internet and writing this blog post. It's so hard to focus when I feel so ripped about apart internally. It is like how and I supposed to pay attention to one task when I feel like I am in a million pieces? 12 days ago I sent Peter a letter and I have had no response. It is all I can do not to text or email him to see if he got it. I just miss him so much. I still cannot believe I was so easily cast aside, and that I am the only one who is left hurting so much. I am filled with emptiness and despair, but he's just fine (well presumably). It just sucks! I wish I could go back in time and undo this. I just keep thinking about a line from one of my favorite Kelly Pease songs, "I hate what's new, I miss what's old." I hate believing and trusting in lies; it shakes me to my core. I just want things the way they were, when he was mine, and I was his. :(