Marriage revisited

So a while ago I wrote this, and I am revising my opinion. I don't believe in secular marriage at all. Form a contract, go register at a courthouse, do what you will, but the covenant reality that is marriage doesn't exist in those unions and the state doesn't have the authority to make that bond.

Absolution . . .

Is there anything more wonderful in the world than hearing, "Your sins are forgiven, go and sin no more."

What a wonderful gift Jesus left us in His Church, the Sacrament of Reconciliation  where we can admit our short-comings, those times we "missed the mark," as the Hebrew word for sin translates. There is something so freeing about saying I did this, I know it was wrong, and I am sorry. As the Act of Contrition says, "I detest all my sins." But even better that getting these past transgressions off our chest is hearing that we have been forgiven for them. Yes, I suppose I could just confess my sins straight to Christ, but I would not get that confirmation of absolution, I would not know I was free of those sins. Also, I might not receive the grace to go and sin no more, although truth be told, I probably will sin again and probably not too far in the future, but it is important to try and do better. To try and be the person God is calling me to be. And if again, I miss the mark, it is important to run to the Sacrament and receive forgiveness.

We pray in the Our Father, "forgive us our trespassed as we forgive those who trespass against us." I am so glad that God doesn't forgive me the way I forgive others because I sometimes have trouble letting things go, but that is precisely what we are supposed to do, let these things go. We need to let our sins go, and we need to let the times that others have hurt us go. This is freedom.

Here Comes the Sun . . .

Because it's March 13th, and I don't want to do any reading, and I am freaking out about my midterm in an hour and 40 minutes, here are 13 things for which I am grateful . . .

1. The sun is shining and it is almost warm outside
2. After 6:20 this evening I am done with classes for the week
3. I think other than Friday night I have the weekend off!
4. It's almost St. Paddy's day!
5. Lent is halfway over.
6. It's less than a month to my birthday, which is on the 6th of April. :)
7. I am caught up with my readings for the week.
8. It's almost Spring.
9. Most of the snow is melted.
10. I woke up this morning.
11. I have enough food to eat.
12. I have clothes to wear.
13. And, last but most definitely not least, I am loved.

Four Weeks and For Weeks

Well four weeks ago this morning, I got that phone call, and it feels like it has been an eternity and an instant all at once. Part of me can't believe it has only been four weeks since my heart got ripped out and stomped on me, and another part of me feels like it just happened. I started watching How I Met Your Mother. I am mostly through the second season and I just watched Marshall and Lily's wedding, and it made me so sad because it has been four weeks since I have talked to my best friend, four weeks, and I really truly thought he and I would be married one day. And now, just thinking about it, my heart hurts so much. I feel so replaceable and worthless, that I could so easily be cast aside for another. I keep hoping he'll come to his senses and take it back, even though I know, that is totally a false hope. I just don't even know, I totally feel like a part of me is missing, like I am no longer whole.

Honestly . . .

Honestly, I am not looking forward to Spring Break next week because without classes, it won't have enough distraction for me. Funny how I have enough trouble concentrating and usually don't want to be in class when I have them, it is a nice distraction from dealing with myself and this situation. Even now, I should be reading these last 2 chapters of this book before class at 4, but instead I am playing around on the internet and writing this blog post. It's so hard to focus when I feel so ripped about apart internally. It is like how and I supposed to pay attention to one task when I feel like I am in a million pieces? 12 days ago I sent Peter a letter and I have had no response. It is all I can do not to text or email him to see if he got it. I just miss him so much. I still cannot believe I was so easily cast aside, and that I am the only one who is left hurting so much. I am filled with emptiness and despair, but he's just fine (well presumably). It just sucks! I wish I could go back in time and undo this. I just keep thinking about a line from one of my favorite Kelly Pease songs, "I hate what's new, I miss what's old." I hate believing and trusting in lies; it shakes me to my core. I just want things the way they were, when he was mine, and I was his. :(