Time to think . . ."Would you have stayed with Jesus?"

Today, my hour with Jesus was much needed, and in a completely non-sexual way, romantic. Joshua and I go to adoration at St. Theresa's in Memorial Park for adoration, and usually that little chapel has a few people in it when we get there. Well today, I went solo, and when i got there, there were two people in there, but they left shortly after I arrived, so after they left, I switched off the overhead florescent lights and left the 3 lights on, it was a softer, dimmer light, which was less distracting for me, and so for 30 minutes, I was alone with Jesus, some much needed alone time, and while I was praying the Rosary, something one of my students asked me came back to mind, they asked me a question I asked them. Ugh I hate that, anyway, I told the student I didn't know, which was true, but I got time to think about it, and I came up with an answer.

Would I have been at the cross?
I would like to think that I would have, but what I'd like to think and the truth aren't necessarily the same. Honestly, I think that I would have ran, just like most of the apostles. I would have been scared out of my mind, but then, it was the men who ran, the women stuck with Jesus, Mary, our perfect mother, stood by her Son. I am striving, albeit, mostly unsuccessfully to model my life after Mary, her beauty, her humbleness, her patience, her virtue. She is the perfect expression of humanity, of womanhood. If I could go back to the time when Jesus was crucified, knowing what I know now, and whom I want to imitate, Mary, who imitates Jesus, I would stay with him. I would stand (or kneel) and suffer (imperfectly) with my perfect Lord.
I want to be holy, and to become something, you must do things that someone who exemplifies the thing does, imitate someone who is it. So, if you want to be holy, imitate holy people. Saints are holy people and the most perfect of all saints is Mary. To be holy, I must imitate Mary.
Mary is . . .
Woman
Mother
Obedient
Caring
Trusting
Loving
Gentle
Pure
Holy
Humble
Perfect
Virtuous
I must be all these things to be holy. Someone once said that, "A woman's heart must be buried so deeply in Christ that a man must seek Christ to find it." I want my heart to be like that.

Okay, This was long, but I wanted to share.