My Hands Are Holding You . . .

            So yesterday was a tragic day. I watched about five minutes of the marathon about noon on Comm Ave somewhere between mile 21 and 22, and then went to the library to work on a paper. That's when I learned about what happened, via a Facebook status.

            Then I spent hours watching streaming media and not doing my paper. I was upset, but since I thought I didn't know anyone in the marathon, I had a sense of detachment from this tragedy, and it was something that happened in the city I lived in, and I was affected merely by proximity. I received some messages, calls and texts from people checking on me to make sure I was alright, and I really felt the love.

            So I attended a prayer service with the community at my school and realized one of my classmates was running, I had no idea, my detachment shattered. She wasn't hurt physically, but she was affected. We all are, this empty feeling is consuming me and many “what if's” and “I am thankful that's” are floating around my head. Like what if I hadn't had so much homework and wanted to be in the midst of the action, or what if this had happened the morning before when I was very near that spot, and I am thankful for my dislike of crowds and slacking off on my assignments that kept me away. It's a lot to think about and a lot to process, and I cried a lot last night because sometimes that is the only way to cope.

            One of the songs used at the prayer service last night was “How Can I Keep From Singing” and one line from the refrain just stayed with me, “No storm can cloud my inmost calm, while to this rock I’m clinging,” and I am not sure if this was with me because it is true for me or if it is because it needs to be true for me.

            And this morning I woke up with a heavy heart and stepped out into a beautiful day: sunny and almost warm with a clear brilliant blue sky, and my thought was this is God showing us who is really in control, that while our hearts are broken, heavy, and sad, He truly makes all things new.

            Then I started thinking about the song "By My Side" by Tenth Avenue North. This song is so comforting:
"Here at my side wherever you fall/ In the dead of night whenever you call/ And please don't fight these hands that are holding you/ My hands are holding you/ 'Cause I, I love you/ I want you to know/ That I, yeah I'll love you/ I'll never let you go, no, no/ And I'll be by your side wherever you fall/  In the dead of night whenever you call/ And please don't fight these hands that are holding you/ My hands are holding you"

I think we need to remember that we are being held, we are loved, and someone much bigger is totally covering us.

            But even so, I am still shaken, and I am a little afraid I am trying to take these words to heart too, “Be not afraid!”